My Year Ender

This year has been one of the wildest rollercoasters I've ever rode. I can say that I have experienced all emotions possible. I was loved, betrayed, misunderstood, humiliated, praised, taken back, cared for, hugged, kissed. Full-of-surprises.Mastered the art of letting go and the art of holding on. Been to places. Failed. Succeeded. This year, I realized that...

...after a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. You learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises. You learn that loving doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't always mean security, and you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.

...after a while you learn to build all your dreams on today because tomorrows ground is too uncertain for dreams, and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

...after a while you learn to accept your defeats with your head held with the grace of a woman and not the grief of a child.

...after a while you learn to plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone else to bring you flowers.

and you learn that you really are strong, that you really do have self worth, and you can endure, and you learn and learn, with every "goodbye" you learn.

With all of these in mind, I'm excited and am so ready for 2008. ;-p

Windshields on a Rainy Day

They say that in order to forget, you must bury the past. Let it wither in time. Let it fly to nowhere. Let it slip like a balloon til it disappears in the sky. Let it spin endlessly until it diminishes into nothing. Just let it.

But when someone you love is taken away and you never had the time to say everything you want to say, that's the time that I won't forget. I can't just bury the past. I can't just let it wither in time. I can't just let it fly. I can't just let go of the balloon. I can't just let it spin. My friend, Nardy, the ever-so-jolly Nardy passed away and going to his wake, joining his burial march to the church, hearing mass while he lays down in a coffin, walking our way towards the cemetery to bid farewell to him..these things never occured to me..these things never even crossed my mind.. But it happened and this is one of the SADDEST points of my life. We never even had the time to say what we want to say and make sure that he heard us. We thought he will always be there. We thought he would get well. I was literally blinded by tears. What moved me more was when we had to say our final goodbyes and all we could say to him was THANK YOU. No one uttered the words "Why did you leave us?" Everyone of us was thanking him. He made a significant impact in each of our lives. I can only attest to all the good things he has done for me.

This is the first time I had regrets. The thing is, we will never know until it's too late. No one can turn back the hands of time. I should've hugged him everytime I see him, thanking him for the friendship and letting him know that I appreciate his presence in my life.

He will be missed. Cherished. Remembered. Treasured. We may not understand why this happened now but I know in time, we will. God is now wrapping his arms around him and we know he is safe wherever he is.

This one I got from Nardy's blog entry dated Sept 1, 2007 entitled "One piece...tribute". Read on:

Ah, as I look beyond the endless sky,
I begin to imagine a tomorrow that I’ll have someday,

There were days when I feel like I’d lose to myself,
But there was a warm place I could always go,

People I could be proud of were always there,
Placing hands upon my back and pushing me onwards,

Ah, the stars are streaming down beneath the sky,

This only happens once…

I began my search,
With a blast of water,
Toward a boundless, everlasting world,
With this overflowing passion in my chest,

I’ll go anywhere.

Seeking the light I’ve never seen.

When the summer-colored sun shakes the sail of my heart,
It’s a sign the door to a new world has opened,
Swaying between the waves, I can escape despair,
For the horizon on the other side…

Is what I aim for!

Even if we’re apart,
I hope you’ll always remember,
That on days you are crying,
You’ll always have someone here to share your pain with,
Who will never yield; will not let our distant thought end as dreams,

The shining of the eternity everyone seeks

Will be in our hands

I spread a bit of courage, and caught a glimpse of the fail to tomorrow:

At first, we all drew our own horizons;
But now, we can gaze through the same spyglass:
Your heart stirred the salty compass of destiny,
So I’ll take the helm with a backhand grip.

We may cast off our agonies and our pasts, but we’ll still be smiling.
If those tears help our dreams come true, we won’t regret them.
We’ve caught a glimpse of the fail to tomorrow.

I’ve always been stuck in a dead run.

A to Z run on through,
Sometimes I worry, waiting in agony,

But just

When you’re lonely, let me hear your voices.
While you wander, you gaze up at the sky.

Like the moon, you forget to wink…

… and fade quietly as your deep reflection wares.

Leave things just as they are, and let me ride your words.

Keep your dreams through your thousands of nights, wandering travelers.

Ah, and even if you can never return…

… you’ll keep on walking forward.

One Black Morning

You and I will meet again
When we're least expecting it
One day in some far off place
I will recognize your face
I won't say goodbye my friend
For you and I will meet again
~Tom Petty








... this right here (tell me why)
Goes out, to everyone, that has lost someone
That they truly loved (c'mon, check it out)

Seems like yesterday we used to rock the show
I laced the track, you locked the flow
So far from hangin on the block for dough
Notorious, they got to know that
Life ain't always what it seem to be
Words can't express what you mean to me
Even though you're gone, we're still a team
Through your family, I'll fulfill your dream
In the future, can't wait to see
If you'll open up the gates for me
Reminisce some time, the night they took my friend
Try to black it out, but it plays again
When it's real, feelings hard to conceal
Can't imagine all the pain I feel
Give anything to hear half your breath
I know you still living your life, after death

Every step I take, every move I make
Every single day, every time I pray
I'll be missing you
Thinkin of the day, when you went away
What a life to take, what a bond to break
I'll be missing you

It's kinda hard with you not around
Know you in heaven smilin down
Watchin us while we pray for you
Every day we pray for you
Til the day we meet again
In my heart is where I'll keep you friend
Memories give me the strength I need to proceed
Strength I need to believe
My thoughts Big I just can't define
Wish I could turn back the hands of time
Us in the six, shop for new clothes and kicks
You and me taking flicks
Makin hits, stages they receive you on
Still can't believe you're gone
Give anything to hear half your breath
I know you still living your life, after death

Somebody tell me why

One black morning
When this life is over
I know
I'll see your face

Every night I pray, every step I take
Every move I make, every single day
Every night I pray, every step I take
[Puff] Every day that passes
Every move I make, every single day
[Puff] Is a day that I get closer
[Puff] To seeing you again
Every night I pray, every step I take
[Puff] We miss you Big... and we won't stop
Every move I make, every single day
[Puff] Cause we can't stop... that's right
Every night I pray, every step I take
Every move I make, every single day
[Puff] We miss you Big

Art Cakes!

Cake is love. This is something I will never say NO to. Ever. My mom used to bake cakes when I was a kid. I remember coming home to very yummmyyyy cakes after school. Up to now, amidst the age of South Beach and Atkins diet, cakes remain to be one of the sweetest sins that we have yet to avoid.

Baking for me, is an art. Anything done tastefully catches my attention. I'm particular with details. This is the reason why Art Cakes literally grabbed my wandering attention everytime I'm window-shopping. The cakes look oh-so-heavenly! You can order/customize your type of cake. More details, more pricey. But hey, if I'm the one making this cake, I will charge you a million for the effort :teehee: Given that it looks good to the eye, it also tastes good! Just... perfect! All you need to worry about are the calories you need to burn after consuming it. Truth is, you wouldn't want to eat such beautiful creation. So don't forget to grab your cam to keep the memories and to take a photo of your cake before swallowing it whole. Haha.

The cake you see here is smaller than a shoebox. I love the colors. I rarely see blue cakes. Since the day I bought this one, I've been their regular monster. =)

They have Grab and Go as well as Made-to-Order cakes. Check their cutesy webbie for more info =)

http://artcakes.com.ph

5 Sweet Kalachuchis!!!

Turning Korean

I've been a long-time YouTube fan. I started looking for cutie dog videos, spoof commercials, movie trailers, tv/movie clips, tv shows, events, home-made videos, funny japanese games, anime, proposals and just about anything under the sun. Lately, I've been engrossed with anything asian. I watch funny japanese games and yes, talent shows. One show that captured my attention was Star King, a Korean variety show. Great talents, exceptional and unique talents. Only problem is that I can't understand what they're saying. Haha.. But the latest and uber famous YT video now features a Filipina, 14 yr-old, Charise Pempengco. . For that person who subbed her Star King videos, she owes him/her a lot for the exposure! Let her do the talking... rather singing.. Click on PLAY ;-p

AWESOME RIGHT??? YouTube can do wonders for just about anyone and one proof is that my favorite Ellen DeGeneres saw the video on YouTube and now wants to guest her on her show Ellen! I so love the Ellen show and I still watch it on cable. Can't wait to see a Filipino guest on her show. Would you believe Ellen personally called her up? Talk about luck. How about Oprah next time? =)

She failed before when she joined local shows here. It just goes to show that when you fail, when you experience rejection, when you lose something that you want.. it's not always what it seems.. better and greater things will come your way. Go kid. Make Filipinos proud. =)

Memories ala Coconut Stars

**Coconut Stars (Istar-Buko)

After spending bucks, treating out friends, extorting my officemates... I now have my Starbucks Journal for 2008! Nice journ to keep the memories that will come my way next year. =)

This journ is oh so cute! It came with a Starbucks pencil hehe.. I know some people here on Multiply are selling this journ for PhP1,200 quite cheap compared to the amount of money I'm gonna shell out just to complete all 24 stickers. But there's nothing like the thrill of extorting your friends to buy coffee (bwahahaha). Good thing too, that they had this 3 day promo (or was it a 4-day promo) wherein you can double the sticker once you order one beverage.

Gonna make a lotta memories next year. =)

"No matter how long we exist, we have our memories. Points in time which time itself cannot erase. Suffering may distort my backward glances, but even to suffering, some memories will yield nothing of ther beauty or their splendor. Rather they remain as hard as gems.'"

ANNE RICE, Blood and Gold

Hardest Question

This is not my original. This is from my friend Cze, I love the way this was written. Just edited some parts. As simple as it is, it is an expression of one's feelings and that being asked by someone why he is being loved... there are just no exact words to answer that. Why he is being singled out from the rest. "Why do you love me?" is one of the most hardest questions that has no definitive answer. Loving someone is like looking at a multitude of stars.. try gazing at just one star..all the others will just fade away. Read on...

Why do I love you and not him, and him, and another him? Well, I can’t bring myself to love them; I can’t bring myself to even try. I had experiences with other hims and what I have with you now is simply different. Way different.

Why do I love you? Loving you has no reasons. I just simply do. And that’s just one difference between loving you and loving them hims: loving them has to have reasons because otherwise there’s no point in loving them at all.

I love you not because you love me back. There are others who love me, others who would be willing to love me, others who would care for me. But I don’t need them—it’s you I need. Your warmth, understanding, acceptance, affection, beauty, temperament, mood swings, and flaws—I need all that. I need you.

It is only when I’m with you that I am most secure and comfortable. I can be anyone and anything when I’m with you. You accept the whole of me and you understand my shortcomings. Whether I succeed or fail, I know you’ll be beside me.

You let me grow as a person. I tend to let my world revolve around you and only you sometimes, as if there’s no one else in this world but the two of us. You know that this isn’t healthy and that we have to have space for personal growth and time for ourselves. A stable relationship calls for stable individuals; and for our relationship to blossom and last for a long time, we both have to continue to develop and to mature together and individually.

Most importantly, while we are lovers, we are also best friends. After a tiring day, it would be nice to just talk to you—telling anecdotes, exchanging views, catching up on the going ons of each other’s lives. When all is said and done, you are not only my best friend, you are also my shock-absorber, my angel, my teddybear, my adviser, my inspiration, my motivation—my everything.

So understand that there are no reasons why I love you. I just do.

Top 25 Movie Quotes

#25: "You've got a real purdy mouth."--mountain hick, Deliverance (1972).

#24: "Loretta, I love you. Not like they told you love is, and I didn't know this either, love don't make things nice--it ruins everything. It breaks your heart. It makes things a mess. We aren't here to make things perfect. The snowflakes are perfect. The stars are perfect. Not us. Not us! We are here to ruin ourselves and to break our hearts and love the wrong people and die...Now I want you to come upstairs with me and get in my bed!"--Ronny Cammareri (Nicolas Cage), Moonstruck (1987).

#23: "It seems right now that all I've ever done in my life is making my way here to you."--Robert Kincaid (Clint Eastwood), The Bridges of Madison County (1995).

#22: "Michael...I've loved you for nine years, I've just been too arrogant and scared to realize it, and... well, now I'm just scared. So, I realize this comes at a very inopportune time but I really have this gigantic favor to ask of you. Choose me. Marry me. Let me make you happy. Oh, that sounds like three favors, doesn't it?"--Julianne Potter (Julia Roberts), My Best Friend's Wedding (1997).

#21: "Love is too weak a word for what I feel--I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes I have to invent, of course I do, don't you think I do?"--Alvy Singer (Woody Allen), Annie Hall (1977).

#20: "If there's any kind of magic in this world, it must be in the attempt of understanding someone, sharing something. I know, it's almost impossible to succeed, but...who cares, really? The answer must be in the attempt."--Celine (Julie Delpy), Before Sunrise (1995).

#19: "Miss Kubelik, one doesn't get to be a second administrative assistant around here unless he's a pretty good judge of character, and as far as I'm concerned you're tops. I mean, decency-wise and otherwise-wise."--C.C Baxter (Jack Lemmon), The Apartment (1960).

#18: "I'm going to stop right now. Except that I would give anything if you were two people, so that I could call up the one who's my friend and tell her about the one that I like so much!"--Aaron Altman (Albert Brooks), Broadcast News (1987).

#17: "…I'd ask you about love, you'd probably quote me a sonnet. But you've never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable. Known someone that could level you with her eyes, feeling like God put an angel on earth just for you. Who could rescue you from the depths of hell. And you wouldn't know what it's like to be her angel, to have that love for her, be there forever, through anything…"--Sean Maguire (Robin Williams), Good Will Hunting (1997).

#16: "A beautiful girl can make you dizzy, like you've been drinking Jack and Coke all morning. She can make you feel high full of the single greatest commodity known to man--promise. Promise of a better day. Promise of a greater hope. Promise of a new tomorrow. This particular aura can be found in the gait of a beautiful girl. In her smile, in her soul, the way she makes every rotten little thing about life seem like it's going to be okay..."--Paul (Michael Rapaport), Beautiful Girls (1996).

#15: "What I really want to do with my life--what I want to do for a living--is I want to be with your daughter. I'm good at it."--Lloyd Dobbler (John Cusack), Say Anything (1989).

#14: "Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in."--Ricky Fitts (Wes Bentley), American Beauty (1999).

#13: "I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it."--Seth (Nicolas Cage), City of Angels (1998).

#12: "I know you think we can't be together, but can't you respect me enough to let me make my own decision? I know there'll be risks but I want to face them with you. It's wrong that we should be only half alive... half of ourselves. I love you. So here I am--standing in your doorway. I have always been standing in your doorway. Isn't it about time somebody saved your life?"--Mary Jane Watson (Kirsten Dunst), Spider-Man 2 (2004).

#11: "…I might be the only one who appreciates how amazing you are in every single thing that you do, and…how you say what you mean, and how you almost always mean something that's all about being straight and good. I think most people miss that about you, and I watch them, wondering how they can watch you bring their food, and clear their tables and never get that they just met the greatest woman alive. And the fact that I get it makes me feel good, about me."--Melvin Udall (Jack Nicholson), As Good As It Gets (1997).

#10: "Ehm, look. Sorry, sorry. I just, well, this is a very stupid question and..., particularly in view of our recent shopping excursion, but I just wondered, by any chance, eh, I mean obviously not because I've only slept with nine people, but-but I-I just wondered... eh…I really feel, in short, to recap it slightly in a clearer version, ehh, the words of David Cassidy in fact, while he was still with the Partridge family, um, "I think I love you," and I-I just wondered by any chance you wouldn't like to... Eh... Eh... No, no, no of course not... I'm an idiot, he's not... Excellent, excellent, fantastic, eh, I was gonna say lovely to see you, sorry to disturb... Better get on..."--Charles (Hugh Grant), Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994).

#9: "…You stay alive, no matter what occurs! I will find you. No matter how long it takes, no matter how far, I will find you."--Hawkeye (Daniel Day-Lewis), The Last of the Mohicans (1992).

#8: "Winning that ticket, Rose, was the best thing that ever happened to me... it brought me to you. And I'm thankful for that, Rose. I'm thankful. You must do me this honor, Rose. Promise me you'll survive. That you won't give up, no matter what happens, no matter how hopeless. Promise me now, Rose, and never let go of that promise."--Jack Dawson (Leonardo DiCaprio), Titanic (1997).

#7: "You know you don't have to act with me, Steve. You don't have to say anything, and you don't have to do anything. Not a thing. Oh, maybe just whistle. You know how to whistle, don't you, Steve? You just put your lips together and... blow."--Slim (Lauren Bacall), To Have and Have Not (1944).

#6: "I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle in your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."--Harry Burns (Billy Crystal), When Harry Met Sally (1989).

#5: "It was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were suppose to be together... and I knew it. I knew it the very first time I touched her. It was like coming home... only to no home I'd ever known... I was just taking her hand to help her out of a car and I knew. It was like... magic.--Sam Baldwin (Tom Hanks), Sleepless in Seattle (1993).

#4: "No, I don't think I will kiss you, although you need kissing, badly. That's what's wrong with you. You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how."--Rhett Butler (Clark Gable), Gone With the Wind (1939).

#3: "We'll always have Paris."--Rick Blaine (Humphrey Bogart), Casablanca (1942).

#2: "Love means never having to say you're sorry."--Oliver Barrett (Ryan O'Neal), Love Story (1970).

And the No. 1 most romantic line…

#1: "You... complete me."--Jerry Maguire (Tom Cruise), Jerry Maguire(1996).

pahabol....

"Any man, anytime, has the chance to sweep a woman off her feet. He just needs the right broom."--Alex "Hitch" Hitchens (Will Smith), Hitch.

Angels Brought Me Here

"The ultimate wedding song. I first heard this song while watching American Idol. Forgot about it. Then finally discovered how beautiful the lyrics were when my friend Mabel kept on playing this song in the office. I'd like this to be my wedding song =).. I prefer a children's choir to render this song and they'll be wearing angel costumes. Little angels will also escort me as I walk down the aisle. Nice nice.."


It's been a long and winding journey, but i'm finally here tonight
Picking up the pieces, walking back into the light
Into the sunset of your glory, where my heart and future lies
There's nothing like that feeling, when i look into your eyes...

My dreams came true, when i found you
I found you, my miracle...

If you could see, what i see, that you're the answer to my prayers
And if you could feel, the tenderness i feel
You would know, it would be clear, that angels brought me here...

Standing here before you, feels like i've been born again
Every breath is your love, every heartbeat speaks your name...

My dreams came true, right here in front of you
My miracle...

If you could see, what i see, you're the answer to my prayers
And if you could feel, the tenderness i feel
You would know, it would be clear, that angels brought me here...

Brought me here to be with you,
I'll be forever grateful (oh forever Faithful)
My dreams came true
When I found you
My miracle...

If you could see, what i see, you're the answer to my prayers
And if you could feel, the tenderness i feel
You would know, it would be clear, that angels brought me here...
Yes they brought me here...
If you could feel, the tenderness i feel...
You would know, it would be clear, that angels brought me here...

Through Heaven's Eyes

"This is my favorite song from the movie Prince of Egypt. When I feel down, I just read the lyrics and my day just brightens up! No one can ever judge our lives. As the song goes, we should look at our lives through heaven's eyes. And for those who don't feel like reading the bible, just watch this movie".

A single thread in a tapestry-
Though its color brightly shine-
Can never see its purpose
In the pattern of the grand design.

And the stone that sits on the very top
Of the mountain's mighty face-
Does it think it's more important
Than the stones that form the base?

So how can you see what your life is worth
Or where your value lies?
You can never see through the eyes of man
You must look at your life,
Look at your life through heaven's eyes.
Lai-la-lai...

A lake of gold in the desert sand
Is less than a cool fresh spring-
And to one lost sheep, a shepherd boy
Is greater than the richest king.
If a man lose ev'rything he owns,
Has he truly lost his worth?
Or is it the beginning
Of a new and brighter birth?

So how do you measure the worth of a man-
In wealth or strength or size?
In how much he gained or how much he gave?
The answer will come,
The answer will come to him who tries
To look at his life through heaven's eyes.

And that's why we share all we have with you,
Though there's little to be found.
When all you've got is nothing,
There's a lot to go around.

No life can escape being blown about
By the winds of change and chance,

And though you never know all the steps,
You must learn to join the dance-
You must learn to join the dance.

Lai-la-lai...

So how do you judge what a man is worth?
By what he builds or buys?

You can never see with your eyes on earth-
Look through heaven's eyes.
Look at your life,
Look at your life,
Look at your life through heaven's eyes!

Kopiholiks Anonimus

Ang sarap talaga ng kape. Adik ako sa kape. Ewan ko kung bakit, kahit na kumukulo o nagyeyelong kape, ok lang basta kape.

Iba-ibang klaseng kape na ang na-try ko. Nasubukan ko na dati yung kapeng barako nung pumunta kami sa batangas. Swabe. Swabe sa pait. Grabe. Hindi ko alam kung san ko ilalabas yung kapeng yun nung nainom ko. Pero dahil kaharap ko pa yung nagbigay, pikit-mata kong nilunok ang swabe sa pait na kape. Ang totoo, nagustuhan ko yung after-taste kaya uminom pa rin ako. Tapos unti-unti kong naramdaman na nagising lahat ng cells ko sa buong katawan. Teka, natutulog ba ang cells, di ata. Basta hyper ako pagkainom ko.

Bata pa lang ako, umiinom na ako ng kape. As far as I can remember, 5 or 6 years old pa lang ako, coffee addict na ako. Pero instant coffee ha. Ang trip ko nun, sinasabaw ko yung kape sa kanin, yung tipong nalulunod na bawat butil ng kanin sa pinggan ko. Tapos kahit anong ulam masarap para sa akin basta kape ang sabaw. Ganun ako ka-addict. Morning pa lang, kape na ang sabaw ko sa kanin kaya hyper ako sa school.

Nung college na ko, lalo kong napatunayan na kailangan ko talaga ng kape. Tuwing gabi pag-nag-aaral ako, kakambal na ng libro ko ang kape. Tapos sinasabayan ko pa ng red bull pag tipong kasing kapal ng 25 volumes ng Grolier's Encyclopedia ang kailangan kong basahin.

Nung nasa Baguio ako, syempre kape pa rin. Pag malamig ang panahon at may mga fog kang nakikita, masarap talaga humigop ng mainit na kape. Naalala ko tuloy nung sobrang lamig sa Baguio at nanginginig talaga ang kamay ko, bumili ako ng kape sa Burger Machine sa Burnham Park at sa sobrang panginginig eh natapunan ng sobrang init na kape yung kamay ko. Pero swabe pa rin, hindi na ako gininaw pagkatapos nun. Hehehe.

Tapos meron ding mga 3-in-1. Yung tipong i-ready mo lang yung mainit na tubig tapos ibuhos mo na yung isang sachet. Tapos na. May kape ka na. Merong brewed coffee. Decaf at kung anu-ano pa.

Hindi mawawala ang mga sosyalang coffeeshop. Dati, takot na takot akong pumasok sa Starbucks. Yung tipong pag hinila mo ako eh hindi talaga ako papasok. Bigla akong magkaka-diarrhea, bigla akong mahihilo, bigla akong magsusuka, bigla akong mahihimatay...basta kahit anong dahilan na maisip ko. Aside from the fact na iba ang tingin ko dati sa mga pumapasok dun, ang totoo at numero uno kong dahilan...hindi ko alam kung pano umorder. Oo nakakatawa pero yun ang totoo. Aminin nyo man o hindi, dumaan din kayo sa stage na yan. Ikaw ba naman, kape lang ang kailangan mo, may kung-anu-ano pang decaf-half caf, 2% milk, non-fat low-fat milk, hot o extra hot, short-tall-grande-venti, latte-macchiato-espresso-white mocha, whipped cream, steamed milk, frappucino, ristretto, flavor syrup, soy, eggnog, extra foam, 140 degrees, extra ice-light ice, upside down, double blended at kung anu-ano pa. Anak naman ng barista oo, kape lang ang kailangan ko, bakit may ganung effect pa di ba? Tapos pag umorder ka, iaa-announce sa lahat ng sulok ng coffeeshop na yun ang pangalan mo. One tall hot caramel macchiato for APPPPPPPPPLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeEEEEEeeeeEEEEEeeeEEE!!!! Eh pano kung sinusuka mo na yung pangalan mo tapos isisigaw pa di ba?

Buti na lang. Buti na lang ako yung tipo ng tao na hindi takot mapahiya. Sabi ko, sige oorder ako, pakialam ba nila kung mali ang pag-order ko at mali pronunciation ko. Hindi naman nila ako kilala. Tsaka naisip ko, kelan pa ako papasok sa Starbucks??? Pag 95 years old na ko?? Kaya ayun go ako. Buti na lang hindi ako nagkamali. Swabe ang pag-order ko. Smooth na smooth. At isa ko pang na-discover, masarap pala ang kape nila. Ayun, pabalik-balik na ako hanggang ngayon. Kahit mag-isa ako, pumupunta ako. Dati napag-tripan ko mag-experiment ng kape, kung anu-ano ang sinabi ko sa barista, ginawa naman nya... ayun binigay sa akin. Anak ulit ng barista oo, amoy surot yung kape ko! Nalimutan ko yung mixture pero amoy surot talaga sya!

Tapos masaya din makinig pag tinatawag ng barista yung mga pangalan. May iba kasi meron na silang Coffee Name, hindi nila totoong pangalan, ginagamit lang nila sa Starbucks. May narinig ako dati, "One tall....for Jun-Jun!" Eh walang lumalapit, inulit-ulit nung barista, "Jun-Jun?...Jun-Jun??? Jun-Jun!!! JUN-JUN!!!!" Tawa ako ng tawa. May isa pa.. "One hot....for LIFE!" Parang sa radyo lang no. Kung anu-anong pangalan..Luzviminda, Baby (pero matanda ang lumapit), Cherie Pie, Frap-Frap (Pano kung Mocha Frap inorder nya). Natatawa din yung mga foreigners na andun kasi naririnig nila mga common names ng pinoy.

Humahaba na ang listahan ko ng masasarap na kape/kapihan. Gusto ko din sa Gloria Jean's, Figaro, Seattle's Best, CBTL. May isa pa kong gustong puntahan. Sa may Tomas Morato, KOPIROTI. Balita ko masarap yung kape dun tsaka yung tinatawag nilang Kopi Bun. Mas ok kasi hindi daw ganun kamahal. Balitaan ko kayo pag nahirapan akong umorder dito.

Kung may alam pa kayong masarap na kapihan, malaya kayong makakapagbigay ng komento dyan sa ibaba. Dyan lang. Scroll mo pababa. :-P

Lorimer

Just like a movie, we watch it, not knowing what will happen in the end. Life as they say is unfair. A lot of us have experienced and attested to that known fact. Sometimes what we thought was all-good and permanent will soon become the opposite.. Having worked in a hospital, I've seen sufferings, life and death. No matter how I avoid not to get affected, I do, deep in my heart have always wished that I had the power to change their lives. Make things easy for them. Ease away their sufferings. Turn their lives 360 degrees. Take all their pain away.

How much more when something like this happens to a friend?

One of the saddest days of my life was last Thursday. It was when we found out that a friend/officemate is in the hospital. We went there entirely clueless as to what we will see. We were all positive. Thinking that he will still be able to eat the fruits we brought for him. Thinking that there's still a photo opportunity with him, all of us smiling. Thinking that he will talk to us about what happened. Thinking that he will smile as soon as he sees us.

But none of what we thought had happened.

All I saw was not the jolly, sweet, wacky friend that I had. What I saw was a very weak and unresponsive person. Hanging on to a respirator. Not being able to lift even one single muscle in his body. He couldn't talk. He couldn't even open his eyes. Bed-ridden.

It was one of those moments when I felt I could cry rivers of tears. In just a short span of time, the illness swallowed him up like a monster. Guillain-Barre Syndrome is a very rare disorder. I don't know how he got it. Why, of all people, someone like him who is very much needed by his family was afflicted with this disease? It was again one of those times when I wished that what he feels will be transferred to me. I could take everything just not to see someone I love suffering that way.

Memories flashback like scenes from a movie. The time when we sat beside each other while working. He once told me everything about his family. His hurts. His hopes. Times when we both scampered for a vacant bed at our sleeping quarters in the office. If only one bed is available, we will sleep side by side. The time when he had a foot sprain and we both rendered overtime. He was limping and I was assisting him and I made sure that he rode a taxi on his way home. The time when he texted me the plate number of the car he was riding because he wasn't sure if he is safe with the company he is with. The numerous times that he texted me good morning, afternoon and evening. I couldn't count how many messages he has sent me. I know I only replied for a few times. He is my favorite subject everytime I take pictures. Times when I was harassing him *smiles*, for him to be a straight man. The time when he laughed uncontrollably when he saw something unexpected when I was goofing around and trying to look pregnant. Lots of memories. Lots of good memories.

I still wish it will happen again. I'm calling all the angels to help him now. I still wish he will be able to read this when he gets well. I will keep my fingers crossed, til cobwebs surround it, just to make sure he will survive. I still wish time will come that I'll be able to tell him that I'm glad I met him and I appreciate that I have a friend like him in my life....and for him to be able to hear those words.

God is good all the time. I know everything will be fine. =)

His Friendster shoutout:

"I want people to know me not as someone who is good, nice, or anything that is superficial, but someone who was willing to set aside his own self for the sake of others...let's talk, I'm here to listen to you.."

Gingerbread, Gingerbread, Gingerbread Rock

It's been a looonnngggg day. Had my MRI this morning and never thought it was really a pain in the ass. I meant that literally. As you guys know, MRI is this long cylindrical tube where you will be placed in supine position. It was ok, except that you are not allowed to move...at all. I did that for a gruelling 2 hours!!! arrrrggghhhh...but I have to do it for my own good. I felt I'm gonna have pressure sores on my butt! They gave me headphones so I wouldn't hear the noise (but I can still hear it). It was soooo noisy I felt I'm in a construction site or something. There was a drilling noise, all the noise that you can imagine! It also feels like there's an army squad continuously firing at my back, the vibration was really annoying. MRI doesn't have radiation, it uses magnets to bring out 2d images of my internal organs etc. Back to the headphones, I almost laughed when I heard the first song. It was Butterfly by Mariah Carey. Hahahaha.. followed by Love's Grown Deep (somewhere back in time...you became a friend of mine...ahihihi) and then followed by Cry by Mandy Moore and tons of love songs after that. I would prefer listening to rock if I'll undergo the same process again. It was funny hearing lovesongs amidst the noise and to think that I'm inside this tube. Good thing I'm not claustrophobic. Mind you, it feels like you're inside a coffin. But I had fun. Haha.. I almost fell asleep but I had to wake myself up. The noise suddenly became lullaby to my ears. They also placed this soft rubber on my left hand which they call the "Panic Button" that I can squeeze to alert them if in case I encounter a problem while undergoing MRI.

Kudos to my uber cutie nurse and doctor, they assisted me well enough. I was briefed twice about what MRI is all about, very courteous and they really know what they're doing. Hats off to the staff from Medical City. Two injections for this week. Waahhhh... They also had this thing called contrast so before the process, they already inserted a needle in the dorsal part of my right hand. They just injected the dye in the middle of the process. This is to distinguish if my nerves are affected. I was high for a while haha. Don't believe me. :P

I had my lunch there, I was so dead hungry hehe. Because I had to fast for 4 hours before the exam and my last meal was yesterday. So I devoured my Max's Spring Chicken Meal! Weee... It was like water in the desert. Good thing they have restos inside the hospital itself (cool..).

And then I went back to my doctor. After that I went to Shang to pay for my bills and some bank transactions. Met up with Fern, we went to this cool music store called TMV where you won't see any CDs around, instead, you'll see touch screen monitors and all the music's in there, you can just browse through and listen to it and once you find the CD or CDs of your choice, you can put it in your cart on the same screen! Once you're done, you can just go to the counter and your CD/CDs are ready =) Talk about coolness. No need to worry about shoplifters and whatnot.

Me



Fern



enjoying the music!

We also had coffee @ Starbucks (yippeeee!!! my stub's almost filled up, i'm gonna get the journal anytime soon!) And she treated me with this yummy Gingerbread cookie.. Gaaaadddd...it tastes like paper! a thick paper! I should have eaten a balikbayan box! haha.. but of course, it's still the most delicious cookie I've ever tasted coz aside from the fact that it's free, it came from my Gingerbread angel hehe.. I'm eating it now... reminds me of the movie Shrek :P

And here's the Gingerbread man's photo op with my Shrek buddies! Forgive me for including my favorite MOO milk glass.

So...that's it. Just watch out for my MRI playlist. :teehee:

She's one in 5 billion =)

Ola! Need your prayers this time, I'll be undegoing MRI this thursday, just call on your angels and voodoo dolls that I'll be fine. =) Personal matters aside, I'd rather focus on the brighter side of things now. No more bitterness. No more hurts or pains. I won't talk about the details now, I'll keep you posted for my hospital pictures hehe.. No comments, no personal messages please. Just pray for me silently.

I want to tell the world that I'm glad I have met an angel last April 2005. This angel who hails from Bulacan was there when an allergy attack almost caused my life. She was always there whenever my little stomach creatures are asking for food and I need someone who will binge with me. She was still there when I had my most recent hospital visit. For you Jinggay, you're one in 5 billion. =)

I've always been thankful that I have been surrounded with angels all through my life. They already know who they are. They are the people that I trust to share everything about me and of course, you guys wouldn't be in my contacts here in Multiply if I don't consider you as one. =)

As they say, bad people live a longer life... I know I'll be fine. :-p

Smile Again

"I'd rather have someone who I seldom see but loves me and keeps me in his heart from afar than have someone who comes home to me and is always with me, day in and day out, but I'm not in or anywhere around near his heart".

Endless nights
I'd play solitaire
Imagining that you were here
One night flights
Such heartless affairs
They froze the hopes of love in me
You suddenly appeared
Melted all my fears
Filled me with the love I need

You make me smile again
Like a child of three
And I believe it will turn out right baby
Oh you make me smile again
Hold me in your arms
Oh love, my love

Heart to heart
Our souls intertwine
Make love and float away with me
Twins of flame
A love so divine
I want to spend my life around you
Now, now I have the strength
Now I have the hopes
You give me all I need

To make me smile again
Like a child of three
And I believe it will work out right
Oh you make me smile again
Hold me in your arms
Oh love, my love

You make me smile again
Like a child of three
Oh I believe we'll live a dream for two
Oh you make me smile again
Hold me in your arms
Oh love, my love

Set You Free

"Leaving a love you've suddenly outgrown can be heartbreaking, but it also shows you're strong enough to walk away from a relationship that no longer makes you happy... Moving out of your comfort zone can be downright scary, but it also proves just how brave you are to take on the unknown... Stronger, braver, wiser... You always do a little growing up everytime you do a little letting go".

We often fool ourselves
And say that it's love only
Cause when it's gone
We end up being lonely

So how are we to know
That it just wasn't so
That we just have to let each other go

There were many times
When we shared precious moments
But later realized
they were only stolen moments

So how are we to know
That it just wasn't so
That we just have to let each other go

If loving you is all that means to me
Then being happy is all I hope you'll be
Then loving you must mean
I really have to set you free

Each day we meet my love for you
Keeps growing stronger
But everytime we meet
Makes leaving you so much harder

So how are we to know
That it just wasn't so
That we just have to let each other go

If loving you is all that means to me
Then being happy is all I hope you'll be
Then loving you must mean
I really have to set you free

Letting go is not an easy task
When smiling feels like
I must wear this lonely mask

It hurts deep inside
And I just cannot hide
There is anguish at the thought
That we should have to part

If loving you is all that means to me
Then being happy is all I hope you'll be
Then loving you must mean
I really have to set you free

Loving you is all that means to me
Then being happy is all I hope you'll be
Then loving you must mean
I really have to set you free

You Are What You Post

“A man who is master of himself can end a sorrow as easily as he can invent a pleasure. I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.”

- Oscar Wilde

I really don't have plans of writing about this but when I got home, I received messages from people who's asking about my site. I had to do this. I have to defend myself in my own little way.

I decided to start blogging because I wanted to share a part of me with the world. My views. My feelings. My life. I find it heart-warming when I get comments or private messages acknowledging and thanking me for writing because in one way or another, it served as an inspiration for them.

Now I realized that the internet can be abused to the extent that one can be humiliated. Just recently, someone who doesn't even belong to my friend list left a comment and reacted to the blog I wrote. Funny thing is, I was not even referring to her as the stalker. I was not even referring to her as the storyteller. I was shocked at the reaction because it was waaaaayyyyy down below the belt. I was fuming mad. But I have my senses and values intact. That person reacted to the parts of the blog which was not even about her. She should have asked for clarification before she reacted. What I'm thinking now is why she reacted? Was it because it is the truth? Because of her reaction, I realized, hey, maybe she's right. I felt I was being stalked the minute I changed my multiply site. It was papooster before and I changed it to papoo because I was noticing her constant presence in my viewing history. You guessed it right. She found my new site. And I constantly see her. Yes, she remained silent. She silently watched me. Everything I write and post. She's always the first person to check it. She views my Friendster site. Sends me text messages. Tries to add my Yahoo handle and even left offline messages there. That is plain harassment. I have blocked her but she created another ID just to view me and leave a comment that was uncalled for. If that is not what you call stalking, then I don't know what it is. Leaving an inappropriate comment is not cool. God created private messaging. Use it. Put it to good use.

One of my friends saw it, I even protected her and told my friend, it was left by mistake. Because if I'll tell the truth, she will definitely regret the day she left that comment.

One thing, this person feels that she was harassed by my friends. There's a big difference between the words "friend" and "friends". She knows very well that only one person went online that time. She knows very well that she was the one who made the move to chat and sent the first message. How can that be harassment? Harassment as defined, is to disturb persistently; torment, as with troubles or cares; bother continually; pester; persecute. To irritate or torment persistently. She did not receive text messages from any of my friends. My friends do not check her Friendster account and my friends are not checking her multiply site. My friends do not exhaust any resources just to find her. Harassment is when you are avoiding someone and yet this person keeps on sending you messages, checks everything about you and retaliates negatively. I wish she will put herself in my shoes, so that she would know how it feels to be harassed. We need to get the facts straightened this time.

Too sad, I can no longer share my views and memories with the world because of this person. I have set everything to private. Only to people who has enough breeding. You are what you post. Whatever comment you leave is a reflection of what you really are as a person. This is the first time I have encountered a person with this character. I once checked her site and to my surprise, she posted blogs and she's laughing like an evil witch. She was like a child who bullies another kid. If she doesn't understand this, try reading your comment from my point of view. I have forever erased her site from my memory. I still want to believe she is a woman of character, a woman with breeding, diplomacy and respect. I hope I'm not wrong in believing. I hope she made a mistake. I still want to see the good in her.

Whatever she's done to me, I have forgiven her. I am a person of absolute control and I do not let my emotions rule me. If I am mad or upset, I think a million times before I blurt out words or do anything. For me, doing such thing is senseless. A complete waste of time. I got offended with what she said. I am not a perfect person and I truly admit that. If she was hurt in anyway, I bow down and I can say I'm sorry. That's how I deal with situations like this. I was raised as a woman who treats other people with respect. Harm was done. I still respect her as a person. She never heard anything from me till now. I'm dealing with this with peace in my heart. When a dog barks at me, I don't bark at the dog. I just keep still. Treating a situation with diplomacy is the most proper thing to do. If she attempted to be nice to me, I would have even gave in to what she wants. But I was not treated that way, so giving in is no longer an option. If she only tried to be diplomatic and mature about everything; no name-calling, no evil laughters, no uncalled-for comments, I would have extended my friendship to her. If I lose the battle, I will be alright. I'm not here to compete. I will not go as far as humiliating someone just for that because I know how to accept things..how to respect people...this is the reason why I did not even attempt to post her name here even if she did the opposite. If I wanted to get even, I can post her name here because she did that to me. But doing that did not even cross my mind. When I saw my name on her site, I know in that instant that she doesn't respect me as a person. I know how to accept criticisms. I can be accused anything, you can call me names but you will never ever be able to provoke me to get mad and retaliate negatively. I am mature enough not to do that.

She can react to this silently. No matter what she posts on her blog is okay with me because I will not view it. I will avoid things that may offend me. Text messages? I will delete it as soon as I see her number. I'm doing this because that's how it should be. That's how a lady should act. Avoid confrontations. Avoid arguments. I hate wasting my time.

Someone who is not on my friend list, even sent me a message because he/she is looking for the blog I wrote. Too bad, it's now only available for my contacts. Too bad, this person made me do that. It was an effort to manually set my 84 blogs to private, as well as the other content on my site that I have set to private and removed the option to leave a comment.

I have said my piece and it feels good to release this negative energy. I do not care to know what her reactions will be. Be it positive or negative, she has the right to react. However, if she cannot respect me for my actions, I do sincerely hope that she will respect me as a person. Anyways, I won't be viewing any messages coming from her.

It is now not a question who is loved or not, whether the decision was right or wrong, who should leave who, who should hold on and who should not, who wins and who is defeated. It is now about character, breeding, diplomacy and respect.

Now, I'll just end everything with a smile... and yes to world peace. =)

Damned if you do. Damned if you don't.

A lot of people do not choose their own happiness.

Try to think about two people testing a dog's obedience. The first person brought dogfood. The second one didn't bring anything. The dog will normally choose the one with the food. But it doesn't mean that the dog will go with this person. This dog will still choose the second person whom this animal feels more comfortable with. You still do not understand? Try thinking like a prisoner. A prisoner stays inside his cell. But this doesn't mean he is happy that he is staying. There is a reason why he is staying. He doesn't wanna be there forever. There's no assurance that he can get out. But for sure, he's wishing every single day for the time to come that he'll be free. He can be sentenced for life imprisonment and that is the worst part of it. He is staying because he has to. If the warden asks him if he has plans to sneak out, obviously, the prisoner will say that he won't. But every single passing day, that prisoner will always find a way to get out.

My fish philosophy: Just like a fish who got hooked with a bait. The fish was after the worm, not the hook. The fish is risking to die and get hurt because that fish wants to have the worm. Just like with people, I know someone who got hooked with a bait. Even if he doesn't want to, he had to because he's afraid of losing the worm. You had the fish but he's not happy. He's dead. The fish had the option to swim away but... you have the bait. The fish was afraid the hook will take the bait away.

This is when love comes in. If there's love, you'll let the dog go to the other person and not think about the money you spent to feed him. If there's love, you do not imprison someone. If there's love, the hook shouldn't have the bait so that the fish can choose whether he wants to die or swim away.

People stay and people choose to stay with you not because they love you. There's always a reason behind. You can only test the true reason why people stay with you if you remove other factors like your money, if you have kids with him/her etc. People stay because they are afraid of losing. They are not afraid of losing you. They just do not want to part with the things that you'll be taking away.

Sometimes, you have to accept when that person is not truly happy with you. No matter how many questions you ask, you will receive an answer that you are hoping for but believe me, it's not the truth. It's easy to pretend. That person can pretend he loves you but deep down, love no longer sits in his heart. Set that person free. If that person claims that he doesn't want to go anywhere, it is because there is something that you'll be taking away. Think about it.

There is a place that we call home. You come home to the people you love. You come home to the people you are obligated to be with. When someone tells you "I'm coming home", there is no guarantee that he really wants to be with the person who will be waiting for him.

Some sisterly advice from me: Do not judge people who decide for themselves. Do not even react why they chose to do what they want to do. There is always a reason behind. I was raised not to judge people and what they do. It gives me a feeling of liberation. I don't even react. If you judge me for what I want, that's no longer my problem. Go lick your own ice cream. I don't even retaliate. I'll just look you in the eye and walk away. I know that the sweetest revenge is not doing anything...at all. Do not ever reach for someone who is ignoring you. Please. Stalk someone else. Don't give advices when that person doesn't even want to talk to you. Do not make-up stories unless you get paid for doing so.

When people choose to hold on, that is true love. You do not care what happens in the future. That is love because you are risking to get hurt. As what Eleanor Roosevelt said,

"Do what you feel in your heart is right for you'll be criticized anyway. Damned if you do, damned if you don't".

I'm fighting for what I feel even if it seems that I'm one warrior going to a battle against thousands of enemies. The only thing that protects me is the shield which is the person who is loving me now and the sword which is the love that I feel for that person. I may win or not. What's important is that the shield chose to protect me and we did fight together. If the shield got broken and is no longer there to protect me, that is the time I will walk away defeated. The thing is, I am fighting because the shield wanted me to and doesn't want me to walk away.

Yes, a lot of people do not choose their own happiness. But remember, things are not always what they seem. I'd rather have someone who loves me and keeps me in his heart from afar than have someone who is always with me, day in and day out, but I'm not in or anywhere around near his heart.

One White Chocolate Mocha Venti for Apple!

I've been doing a great favor for my friends eversince. I support them for whatever they want and that includes buying coffee so they can get the uber cool Starbucks planner. I was not that interested in the planner before so whenever they ask me to have coffee so they can put stickers to their stubs, I oblige. =)

This year's gonna be different though, coz I want one for myself this time. It's for a good cause too because aside from getting the planner, a donation will be given in your name to project SparkHope.

Now, all I'm asking you guys is to help me fill up my stub! hahaha... Come on, let's have coffee for pete's sake. ;-p I know you guys miss me and we need a little catching up to do. Right? Right. Call me. Text me. I'm yours for the taking. Yihaaa.

This is Heaven

When I was a kid, I used to believe that love was just a fairytale waiting to happen with every frog you kiss, every princess you have to rescue above a tower or perhaps the joy you get in opening every christmas present you receive. It's more of an excitement rather an affection.

Growing up.. I stopped believing in love because things never seem to work out the way I hoped or planned them to be. I gave up with the notion that love is just a heartache waiting to crush you. Looking back I learned the awful truth..

The truth that it's not the excitement you feel or the rush that exhilirates you with every new experience you encounter that makes it love but the magic that makes your heart skip a beat and frantically exert everything humanly possible to make that feeling stay. I never thought I'd be the one to recant all my beliefs in love...I never thought I will, that is till I met him..

Love is a trap. When it appears, we see only the light, not its shadow. I was drawn to him and I felt helpless but not regretful...

But love is much like a dam. If you allow a tiny crack to form through which only a trickle of water can pass, that trickle will quickly bring down the whole structure, and soon no one will be able to control the force of the current. For when those walls come down, then love takes over, nothing in our control can make everything sane.

I was the happiest when I'm with him but I was doing fine before he came. Now that we both know how heaven felt, no one can blame us if we decide to hold on.

Letters

I have always come across the quote,

"Love has its own time, its own seasons, and its own reasons for coming and going. You cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into staying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you."

It is a beautiful and very meaningful quote but now I fully understand its meaning. Love is something that we should cherish. Love is something that we shouldn't force. I have posted excerpts from Kent Nerburn's book in one of my previous blogs. But I didn't know that it has a complete version and one of my favorite quotes was included. This book was written in an attempt to guide his son into adulthood and it contains a powerful collection of essays. I'd like to share with you one of my favorite essays from this book.

This is from the book "Letters To My Son" by Kent Nerburn.

FALLING IN LOVE

It is a mystery why we fall in love.
It is a mystery how it happens.
It is a mystery when it comes.
It is a mystery why some love grows and it is a mystery why some love fails.

You can analyze this mystery and look for reasons and causes, but you will never do anymore than take the life out of the experience.

Just as life itself is more than the sum of the bones and muscles and electrical impulses in the body, love is more than the sum of the interests and attractions and commonalities that two people share.

And just as life is a gift that comes and goes in its own time, so too, the coming of love must be taken as an unfathomable gift that cannot be questioned in its ways.

Sometimes, hopefully at least once in your life - the gift of love will come to you in full flower, and you will take hold of it and celebrate it in all inexpressible beauty. This is the dream we all share.

More often, it will come and take hold of you, celebrate you for a brief moment, then move on.

When this happens to young people, they too often try to grasp the love and hold it to them, refusing to see that it is gift that is freely given and a gift that just as freely, moves away.

When they fall out of love, or the person they love feels the spirit of love leaving, they try desperately to reclaim the love that is lost rather than accepting the gift for what it was, then moving on.

They want answers where there are no answers. They want to know what is wrong in them that makes the other person no longer love them, or they try to get their lover to change, thinking that if some small things were different, love would bloom again.

They blame their circumstances and say that if they go far away and start a new life together, their love will grow.

They try anything to give meaning to what happened. But there is no meaning beyond the love itself, and until they accept its own mysterious ways, they live in a sea of misery.

You need to know this about love, and to accept it.
You need to treat what it brings you with kindness.

If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn't choose to rest in the other person's heart.

If you find someone else in love with you and you don't love her, feel honoured that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return. Do not take advantage, do not cause pain. How you deal with love is how you deal with you, and all our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives and ways are different.

If you fall in love with another, and she falls in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it or to assess blame. Let it go. There is a reason and there is a meaning. You will know in time.

Remember that you don't choose love. Love chooses you. All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to overflowing, then reach out and give it away.

Give it back to the person who brought it alive in you. Give it to others who deem it poor in spirit. Give it to the world around you in anyway you can. This is where many lovers go wrong. Having been so long without love, they understand love only as a need. They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love, and they begin to look at love as something that flows to them rather than from them.

The first blush of new love is filled to overflowing, but as their love cools, they revert to seeing their love as a need. They cease to be someone who generates love and instead becomes someone who seeks love. They forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift, and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away..

Remember this, and keep it to your heart. Love has its own time, its own seasons, and its own reasons for coming and going. You cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into staying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you. But if it choose to leave from your heart or from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and there is nothing you should do.

Love always has been and always will be a mystery.
Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life.

If you keep your heart open, it will come again.