Yin Yang

"I don't have any sleeping problem. I have no worries, no fears, no nothing. Just myself. But when I met a couple this morning, laughing together, holding their hands tightly and looking through each other's eyes...It's harder for me to sleep now. Maybe they're right. I thought I'm better off alone. Maybe it would be nicer to spend your time with someone that you love. Someone means something to you. Maybe I'll try it, not for now. But soon. Soon enough when I find someone to share my life with."

A very long text message that I got from my friend Maricel dated December 8, 2006. Yup, I saved it. Because that's what I felt that time. I am independent when it comes to relationships. I don't depend too much on the guy to do stuff for me. I don't nag. I don't argue as much as possible. I live my own person even if I'm in a relationship. I let the other person be himself, be with his friends and do stuff on his own. That's why breaking up doesn't make any difference because I can manage and I am okay even if I'm alone. That's what I want to believe that's why it always seems that I am at the brink of happiness even if I'm crushing inside. I don't know how I do it but I can control the pain and I can stop myself from hurting.

I speak for those people who are now in that stage where you think and feel that you're better off alone and yet, at the back of their minds, they think that it wouldn't hurt to be with someone, it wouldn't hurt to fall and get hurt at times, it wouldn't hurt when someone argues with you. Bottomline is, you have someone you can call your own.

People often say that you don't need anyone to complete you because you should be complete, on your own, just by yourself. You just have to find that person who will complement you. If you're Yin, find your Yang. If you're a cup, you should have your saucer. Things that complement work together. Things that are suppose to be together, will always be together. A spoon is best used with a fork and a car cannot run without gas.

But good things really never last because there are better things for you. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try to make things work. It just never does. Everything just falls apart. You will realize that a cup and a spoon can still function without the saucer and fork. Or when the car runs out of gas, you can still walk. This is my mantra. I don't rely too much on love so that I can get on with my life.

And yet, during all these times that I shut love out of my life, someone came knocking in. I ignored this unexpected visitor for so many times but he kept on knocking. Seeing this person right through my door was such a welcome surprise. Now, I found the saucer, the fork and the gas to run my car. Taking things one day at a time...enjoying every minute that passes.

I am still my own person. Still independent. Staying cool with everything.

There's a difference though.


I think I found my Yang. =)