“A man who is master of himself can end a sorrow as easily as he can invent a pleasure. I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.”
I really don't have plans of writing about this but when I got home, I received messages from people who's asking about my site. I had to do this. I have to defend myself in my own little way.
I decided to start blogging because I wanted to share a part of me with the world. My views. My feelings. My life. I find it heart-warming when I get comments or private messages acknowledging and thanking me for writing because in one way or another, it served as an inspiration for them.
Now I realized that the internet can be abused to the extent that one can be humiliated. Just recently, someone who doesn't even belong to my friend list left a comment and reacted to the blog I wrote. Funny thing is, I was not even referring to her as the stalker. I was not even referring to her as the storyteller. I was shocked at the reaction because it was waaaaayyyyy down below the belt. I was fuming mad. But I have my senses and values intact. That person reacted to the parts of the blog which was not even about her. She should have asked for clarification before she reacted. What I'm thinking now is why she reacted? Was it because it is the truth? Because of her reaction, I realized, hey, maybe she's right. I felt I was being stalked the minute I changed my multiply site. It was papooster before and I changed it to papoo because I was noticing her constant presence in my viewing history. You guessed it right. She found my new site. And I constantly see her. Yes, she remained silent. She silently watched me. Everything I write and post. She's always the first person to check it. She views my Friendster site. Sends me text messages. Tries to add my Yahoo handle and even left offline messages there. That is plain harassment. I have blocked her but she created another ID just to view me and leave a comment that was uncalled for. If that is not what you call stalking, then I don't know what it is. Leaving an inappropriate comment is not cool. God created private messaging. Use it. Put it to good use.
One of my friends saw it, I even protected her and told my friend, it was left by mistake. Because if I'll tell the truth, she will definitely regret the day she left that comment.
One thing, this person feels that she was harassed by my friends. There's a big difference between the words "friend" and "friends". She knows very well that only one person went online that time. She knows very well that she was the one who made the move to chat and sent the first message. How can that be harassment? Harassment as defined, is to disturb persistently; torment, as with troubles or cares; bother continually; pester; persecute. To irritate or torment persistently. She did not receive text messages from any of my friends. My friends do not check her Friendster account and my friends are not checking her multiply site. My friends do not exhaust any resources just to find her. Harassment is when you are avoiding someone and yet this person keeps on sending you messages, checks everything about you and retaliates negatively. I wish she will put herself in my shoes, so that she would know how it feels to be harassed. We need to get the facts straightened this time.
Too sad, I can no longer share my views and memories with the world because of this person. I have set everything to private. Only to people who has enough breeding. You are what you post. Whatever comment you leave is a reflection of what you really are as a person. This is the first time I have encountered a person with this character. I once checked her site and to my surprise, she posted blogs and she's laughing like an evil witch. She was like a child who bullies another kid. If she doesn't understand this, try reading your comment from my point of view. I have forever erased her site from my memory. I still want to believe she is a woman of character, a woman with breeding, diplomacy and respect. I hope I'm not wrong in believing. I hope she made a mistake. I still want to see the good in her.
Whatever she's done to me, I have forgiven her. I am a person of absolute control and I do not let my emotions rule me. If I am mad or upset, I think a million times before I blurt out words or do anything. For me, doing such thing is senseless. A complete waste of time. I got offended with what she said. I am not a perfect person and I truly admit that. If she was hurt in anyway, I bow down and I can say I'm sorry. That's how I deal with situations like this. I was raised as a woman who treats other people with respect. Harm was done. I still respect her as a person. She never heard anything from me till now. I'm dealing with this with peace in my heart. When a dog barks at me, I don't bark at the dog. I just keep still. Treating a situation with diplomacy is the most proper thing to do. If she attempted to be nice to me, I would have even gave in to what she wants. But I was not treated that way, so giving in is no longer an option. If she only tried to be diplomatic and mature about everything; no name-calling, no evil laughters, no uncalled-for comments, I would have extended my friendship to her. If I lose the battle, I will be alright. I'm not here to compete. I will not go as far as humiliating someone just for that because I know how to accept things..how to respect people...this is the reason why I did not even attempt to post her name here even if she did the opposite. If I wanted to get even, I can post her name here because she did that to me. But doing that did not even cross my mind. When I saw my name on her site, I know in that instant that she doesn't respect me as a person. I know how to accept criticisms. I can be accused anything, you can call me names but you will never ever be able to provoke me to get mad and retaliate negatively. I am mature enough not to do that.
She can react to this silently. No matter what she posts on her blog is okay with me because I will not view it. I will avoid things that may offend me. Text messages? I will delete it as soon as I see her number. I'm doing this because that's how it should be. That's how a lady should act. Avoid confrontations. Avoid arguments. I hate wasting my time.
Someone who is not on my friend list, even sent me a message because he/she is looking for the blog I wrote. Too bad, it's now only available for my contacts. Too bad, this person made me do that. It was an effort to manually set my 84 blogs to private, as well as the other content on my site that I have set to private and removed the option to leave a comment.
I have said my piece and it feels good to release this negative energy. I do not care to know what her reactions will be. Be it positive or negative, she has the right to react. However, if she cannot respect me for my actions, I do sincerely hope that she will respect me as a person. Anyways, I won't be viewing any messages coming from her.
It is now not a question who is loved or not, whether the decision was right or wrong, who should leave who, who should hold on and who should not, who wins and who is defeated. It is now about character, breeding, diplomacy and respect.
Now, I'll just end everything with a smile... and yes to world peace. =)
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